All I wanted was to see her and when that time came, I freeze up. Arrgh! Some people say that memories of her that echo around me are just time killers. Also, it seems that the more intoxicated I am over her than my guitar. Dude, I need to get a life. Kill me, I need to breakaway from this...

So, my childhood friend(Abraham) says that I should stop writing pathetic things that come into my life. Write some fiery shit and if possible, don't wallow in self-pity. I kinda like the idea but unfortunately, I don't have the time! Damn it, wish I knew where I'm headed off to. Can I talk to a girl whom I have crush on now and be ignorant and naive at the same time? Wait, I'm confusing myself here and others.

Nevermind about that, let me in on something that I've been postponing for a very long period of time. Some might say that it actually trails back to Stone Age. What a "compliment" guys, thanks a lot! I must really thank my lucky stars because a friend of my brother happens to work in the film industry. Thanks to him, I managed to secure a guy that is an independent record label "Dirty Rat Music" company. Had a chat with him on my current situation and all the shit that has been spurting out of my mouth to proclaim my album's launch. Good Lord, so many promises made and yet none fulfilled. Moving along, we discussed on the current music industry and the difficulties. He gave me some ideas on self-promotions and also.

The best part is that I want it launched but financial constraints has my hands tied and it's not good because not having a budget is a major handicap factor. I have until mid September to draft out my budget which doesn't leave me much time as future working(part-time) contracts have to secured soon. I hate to bring my mom in the picture but as a major finance instituition, it sucks when shit happens. "You want to play your guitar everyday and hour you might as well don't study anymore. Go out and work and then you can have all the time you want to play." Ouch. Still going on with it no matter what happens. Holy cow, I sound like Jean Claude Van Damme. So cliche.

Sounds like a guy being satisfied with what was given to him by the girl. That’s the main thing about Bon Jovi that I love, the underlying meaning of the song. The way he writes and puts it in words which are simple and used everyday.

I’ve always wanted to meet and fall head over heels over a girl that would ultimately come and turn my whole world upside down. What wishful thinking this little fry has in his petite appearance. To put it in words is almost impossible because we all know what falling in love can really do to us. As I am young and foolish, I pray that my dear friends will pardon my actions of being so naïve.

Everyday when I used to think of her it was like “pot” or in better words marijuana. I landed the role of a junkie in this B-grade movie. I couldn’t afford to focus my mind on any other things that were not related to this issue. I tried and tried but the image of her was so well fortified and cemented that Salmah, Swee Ching nor could Siva ram through those walls.

How do others gain contentment? How about me? Let us remember that “contentment” can mean a variety, so it is very diverse and subjective. Now, when I look into her eyes whenever we met up, it melts me. Corny as it may sound; I don’t deny the possibility of me still missing those eyes up till now. Nevertheless, let it remain as it is so as to permit the future to control all movement through time and space that was once stalled in my life. As Nick Lachey says, there is always a part of us that will remain vividly, especially if it the one that you really gave your 110% effort to. She always tells me, “You’re trying to hard. Be yourself.” I want to, but there is this dysfunctional system in my brain that keeps telling me and many others like me that we must tell that special someone that I’m not good enough to be with you but the outcome is still the same. We want to be loved and who doesn’t? Maybe some poor soul that has lost faith in love coming from God or people or he’s so sick of life and all its misbegotten trials that we humans have to go through as it’s a ritual for us humans to undergo.

Let’s get down to business. She is still on my mind and there are no words to describe what a tsunami of emotions can do to someone when all I have is just obliteration winning most of the battles and most of all my insides are raging without any restraint. Nothing else could explain because as far I know, it’s just a passing moment and I really thank God himself for sending me such a memorable gift that I could ever receive; not inclusive of the good times that was born during that short span of time. Likewise, I shall not blabber anymore because she I presume has moved on and from a close friend’s opinion, “Once a girl gets hurt real bad or loses something she really loves, she either becomes stronger or permits the sadness to eat her alive inside.”

Once again, my apologies for any words that might have hurt you in any way. I didn’t have any intentions of hurting you, so thanks once again for being there to show me what happiness really means...

P/s: This article was written without any restraints and barriers and hopefully that I can channel my focus to my “wife”. It’s what I call my beloved guitar…-_-‘’’ For the record, thank "you" for showing me all is not green on the other side.