Haha!I'm back again with yet another boring tale to tell.What can I say?The sky is blue and my brain got freezed.All around me people stop and say "Waddup".Post brain stress,got to be excused.Well,hate to see your attention fly somewhere else so I got to share with you'll some juicy stories.Truth is,there is none.I know,everybody is stressed up over the exams but look at me,I'm the best example of stress that anybody can conceive.I'm not God man,but the night just slowly burned it oil as I read and there was this thing that made a whirring sound that comforted me,it radiated music,my genre and what's more,felt so damn "Jiwang" yesterday.Sigh,my life is so pathetic and funny.Full of shit like I say but there are times when we all just want to run and hide.Saw this show the other day on tv,some cop went gay bashing.He bashed up this two gay men and one man stood there and beat the crap of out that cop but the dramatic part was the cop was twice this gay guy's size.After this incident,he told his lawyer that he was tired of running away whenever he was attacked or afraid.He wants to help stop all this for fear of his own kind's safety.Cut the story short,the gay guy's lawyer told the jury on the closing day for the case on the decision they should make on the gay guy's action.Should he have ran?Why should he?He's trying to protect innocent ones from harm and what does he deserve?Trial?All he needs is a simple thank you.

So,got your mind working?From my point of view,all of us have been running away from all the problems in our lives.But the catch here is that there are others who will be there for you,whether you know it or not.All of us are here for a reason,to help each other.You maybe a rich guy whose wealth has no bounds but has that stopped you from helping a blind person get into the LRT?Or even giving up your seat for someone whose need is more dire than yours?I'm not immaculate,perfect or a saint.I'm like the best impersonator for the "Devil in disguise" association.I scold people in my mind when they do not give up their comfort for others but do I scold myself when I do the same?NO,hyprocrisy and ego is overpowering me.Chinese people say,"GIve me face lah" and look back on your life and actions,have you ever said that "I cannot lose face here."It's obvious,I do it all the time and thank God,I'm able to see it now.

I generally hope that those who read this will gain a different perspective on the way we gain insight on our world.Peace.

Man,am I on fire..So far I've had like 4 papers down and another 2 more to go.So,is it contradicting to say that now feeling very depressed and down just simply because of the fact that some of the papers were hard.Alright,it's not some,it's all!Argh!!Somehow or rather I feel that this is some anually exam that is compulsory,it is compulsory.See?My brain just went cuckoo.It got freezed when I sat for the literature paper last Thursday,20 May 2006.So I guess that it's spoilt for good now.Maybe the next time when we meet up,you'll see a different side of me.No guarantees that it would be the lighter side of me but we don't always get what we want.Can't wait for the whole thing to be over but there is a little setback to my "genius" plan which I plan to execute during the semester break.I have to go for an operation.It's a recurrence of an operation that happened like a few years back.I have an ingrown toe nail,the Big Toe,the mother of all toes,Big Momma.Call it whatever you want.Guess as I'm writing this I will be screaming in pain,somebody call an ambulance!I have potential to be an exaggerator at times.Many will echo that statement.You'll want to know what is an ingrown toe nail?It's another layer of nail growing under your natural nail.Why does it happen?It happens when we tear the left side of the nail skin on the left foot and vice versa.So the nail grows into it.That's it.Pray for me guys,I want to live to see another day.So damn bloody dramatic, "Exaggerator+ Drama King = Bernard." Love me or hate me.

three simple words.are all it takes.is it strong?what can it do to you?
i really dunno.but it does wonders.at times.and at times it spoils everything.

it depends on who says it, how they say it,when and where. but why does this all matters for me?
why is it that its playing with me?why is it that its so hard to resist?

words are how i express myself.its me.purely me.here.in words.why does it have to be so complicated sometimes?what is this that i have?

can i be patient till the end?can i take it all in?can i keep it in?can i?

where will this lead to?i dont know.i dont want to know.all i want is to be free and happy.
three simple words.

Hmm..Really starting to believe in deja vu.Why?Because last Tuesday,I told Dr Carmen that I have a strong feeling that I will be late for this Friday and won't be in time to submit the assignment.The best part is it came true.Freaky man,I wonder why the world is so against me and not vice versa?Maybe it is happening but I just can't see it,right?Alright,deja vu can't be that bad so I'm just going to move on and forget about the past.My motto now is "Don't dwell in the mistakes of the past but rather dwell in the mistakes of the future."Man, I really thought that wouldn't happen.Let's jump to another topic.

I was running through this person's blog and wow,he totally,like totally blew me away(no infatuation arousing) but crashed back to the ground as soon as I saw a grammatical error.A very minuscule one,that it actually looks as correct as can be but what can ecape the eyes of "GOD"?So lame.There is one thing which I really admire is that his usage of boombastic words that practically blew me away;I haven't even seen those words before in my short and uneventful life.What a discovery.I guess that's what actually pull you back down to planet Earth when you think you're the "man" just because others say so.Where do I stand or even others who think themselves mighty,superior,high or of royal pedigree?We stand no where my friends,like my mom tells me,"If you think that you're good and flawless,rest assured that there is someone out there better than you and vice versa."Isn't it so damn true?You'll want my two cents worth?No doubt about it man!So,I here now bring word that whoever starts to flatter me with words that are nothing but plain,flowery flattery will be tried for treason!"Ok,that's is just so damn lame.Can I help it?Nah!So guys,there is a sense of uniqueness emnating from each and everyone of us.Embrace it and become who you were born to be!

p/s:There is no offence,hard feelings,grudges or anger intended.Any association with the dead or living is purely coincidental.What is written here is purely fiction(not all,but there are some elements of truth in it), no pun intended.Peace.

Oh yeah,life's just so good to me.But despite all the goodness it brings,I still have to accept this fever and fatigue that life has brought for me yesterday.Sweetheart,that's the main reason why I didn't call you.By the time I got back which was about 8.30 pm,I just took a quite shower because my head was throbbing and my body was like a volcano ready to erupt,I took my dinner and just went off to sleep immediately.If I'm not mistaken,I think I slept for about 12 hours,half a day right?9 pm to 9 am.So exhausted,and to make matters worse I had to go to the gym on Monday which evidently made me so tired.I couldn't even carry 1.25kg.That was when one of my friends(whom I met coincidentally) asked me whether I'm ok or not.But before I could spit out an answer,he told me to go back and rest.He even walked me home.Thanks man!That's why I guess it all comes down to just one thing,which is know your limits.Right now,I'm still feeling a bit weak but I guess I still can move on and for my birthday,I would definitely love my sweetheart to cook for me.Wonder if I can make a special request for lasagna?I have obviously fell in love with it and I know why Garfield craves for lasagna,eventhough it's rubbery.No more words,my mind is going to sleep.

p/s: Class was at 10 today and I got up at 9 am.Reached at 10.05.That is one close shave.Thank goodness Ms Surita wasnt angry,she never is unless we provoke her.Thanks Ms Surita!

Baby,want to apologise for not calling you yesterday.Stupid fever really getting on my nerves.

i thought she of all people would understand. i thought he would understand. i miss him so much now. i wonder does he knows it?

i had a bad day.it'll pass they say. somehow more and more just come piling on. i wish he could blow it all away. i wish he knows i want to be safe, and cuddled up in his arms now. i wish he knows the many thoughts i had.

ahh..life.nothing but full of shit.almost blew up in front of BH today. i dont know why but he's really acting weird around me.is it me?this is where the attitude problem comes in.i wish he can be a bit more considerate.a bit more cooperative. being a friend instead of a 'friend'.

i miss him soooo much i wish he'd call. saw something i thought would be nice for him today. but didnt have enough cash so i had to forget bout it. decided to make him a nice meal for his upcoming birthday. i know im not spending much on him. but im really tight right now.sorry bubu. i named him bubu.felt that its cute. and there's a lot of meaning to bubu. heee..

bubu for me is like a place to be spoiled, when you feel sad and someone offer a shoulder to cry on is a bubu, bubu is when you did something wrong and the someone forgive you. cos its bubu. no one can get mad at bubu. so i named him bubu.but bubu said that bubu meant a thing to catch fish and some sea stuff..hee

i really wish i could hear his voice now.miss his singing, miss him soooo much.

im pretty sure he's mad rite now. sorry bubu. im pmsin. bear with me please.. i love my bubu.

oh i just realised something.i evolutionised bunny to bubu. heee... carry the same meaning though.

Now,there is only one thing that I know about myself.People say that I act kind of immature and well,it's true.I'm not denying it and sometimes I do give the double standard treatment.So what do I derive from all this minus the fact that I like to use fancy fancy words.I found out that there is a difference between being childish and childlike as what Fr Patrick said.I don't consider myself childlike but otherwise.Many I'm sure would agree with me but that is not my main point.The point here is that I need a change and a lot of people have told me that.I have a really serious attitude problem like I love to do things my way and if it doesn't go then I'll start to sulk,not in public but in the way I treat that person.See?There are many things that you'll don't know about me.It's kind of hard when you really split your personality when with family and friends.Likewise,I try to be the one that people will feel comfortable with but sometimes it just backfires.No need to say more.It's compulsory for me to change and become more matured because I'm going to be 21!No shit man!One thing that someone told me was that I should be a man.I shouldn't be afraid of making my point and my own stand and not just eating or drinking whatever the crowds do.Also,she says that I should learn to make decisions and not leave it to the other person to decide.In short,she's just asking me to charge of the situation and be a man about it.That's all.

read the cover line.lots of yakking of my unfair life.just got off the phone talking to thuan.
her words are so true sometimes.made me think.what the frog am i doing? why am i doing this to him? why is He doing this to me? i cant stop thinking its unfair to him. i do love him. thuan ask do i really? so the question now is how much can you love a person when you just got to know the person?he said he does love me. so is it really love? what is love? sometimes i get confuse of what He's doing. like why do this after all we've been thru? its not fair to me. and its not fair to him.

speaking of fair, life keeps on getting screwed. what the heck have i done in the past life to deserve this? i have been loyal to Him for sooooooooo frogging long. but lots of broken promises, betrayal leads me to where i am. i have been bad. i am not as good as you think. all i ask is for you to forgive me. for all that i've done. hurting you without me knowing it. i hurt too. a lot. life has been cruel.

everyday i wish i could forget the past and run with you.but i cant.its haunting me.i have sinned a lot. and now im doing it again.i dont want to.i do love you. will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? how can i tell you i am being sincere? how can i show you i truly want to move on. forget the past? how do i let go?

where is my knight in shining armour? do they really exist? is it you? how can i be with you? how do you know you love me? why do you love me? i have been so horrible.im so sorry. dont let go what you've build. dont let go what we've build. love lost is better than no love at all.

you have been my light, my guide. you were there in my darkest days. you comfort me. you cared. you loved me.you tried and tried. will it ever be enough? good relationship gives you the sense of fulfillment. are you fulfilled?is it enough?

i admit. its not enough. why dont ask. i am sorry.but im trying to accept. im trying hard to be contented.lies and more lies. im tired. im sorry.

i do love you. now. and for always,
sam