Pretenders: I wish I knew what they are actually

When you put on a mask for the whole of your lifetime, you realise people don’t want to see any other façade other than the one you’ve worn throughout. When you’re all of a sudden a different layer, people turn away and start wondering “What ever happened to him?”

Those who don’t know will always have that notion that what they see is what they get. Or else they will depend on what others say to strengthen their perception. Crude, just so crude.

I might lead a very pretended life. You may say you’re my friend and have known me for many years. But in fact, what you have just graced is just the iceberg. So don’t blame me if I say that you don’t even know a fraction of who I am.

I was just reminded last Wednesday (1^st October) that no one really knows me, not even my brother. I don’t think so I have ever blown my top publicly. Even my mom doesn’t know hell of what is going on. I blew my top to my brother when he made some very unfair allegations. All sorts of names were spitted from my mouth right into the very pinnacle of his soul. I gave him everything that was running through my heart, the anger, the frustration, seething fury.

Coursing my veins were the pleasures of anger but remotely, I felt that it was useless at that point. After all, stimulants are just temporary. If we were to run on the all the time, we would be exhausted and drained. And so my anger faded. Throughout the next few days, it keep annoying me to apologise to him. I held back myself and brainwashed myself saying he should apologise to me first. After all, who asked you to compare me with useless and futile characters? I might not be most useful and obedient but at least I know when to toe the line.

Even I myself wonder, which part of me do I want to show others? The pervert within? The angel? The friend who always crack lame-ass jokes just to make sure others smile? Which one?

I'm torn between those that I love and wearing a façade. Truth or Lie?

“It takes a liar to know another liar”

Do you know who is who and what they are underneath? I don’t think I do. Because people are so good at masking themselves. I’m still learning the ropes. It’s such a tedious process.

The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself. ~Rita Mae Brown, Venus Envy